So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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