I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
