Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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