tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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