Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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