im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ok first of all what the fuck
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
