first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
