Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
did you just send me my own nude
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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