idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
