Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
