We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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