we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize