I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
