Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
should my penis look like a turkey
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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