Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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