it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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