I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
