I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
