i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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