By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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