Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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