id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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