Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
