Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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