My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
