I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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