NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
