Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
