my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
