Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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