i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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