i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
