you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
