sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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