I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
