Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
