I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
did i walk over a car last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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