His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize