Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
