dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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