Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is the high leading the old right now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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