shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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