fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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