During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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