Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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