We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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