Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
