i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
