I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
