tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone signed my nipple.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
