I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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