He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
