They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
