you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am mentally ready for anal.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
