New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
