I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
