i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love how my cats smell like pot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
