Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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