dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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