True but thats because hes a fetus.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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