Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
