I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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