Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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