I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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