So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
