my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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