His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You are a genius and a whore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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