stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
