I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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