Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
