I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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