Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
